london shocks pt. 2.

I feel as though I can finally rationally write in this. I’ve calmed down enough to write something coherent and not completely terrifying. Last night, to put it simply, was a mess. Jetlagged and aching, I was desperately lonely with no possible connection to anybody by internet or phone, and absolutely nobody around. It did not help that I haven’t seen a soul (and still haven’t) around in my completely uninviting flat and that my faceless neighbor played Mariah Carey from 4pm to 4:30am and then started up again at 8:30am. So I appreciated it, really, when she sang some song about not wanting to cry. It really helped me stop. Really. Not really.

Although I have been all over London by the second day, I don’t think I’ve processed that I’m there. Everything I’ve done thus far has sort of just skimmed the surface of the city – just walking, mad walking, seeing, gaping. How do you dig deep into a city? How do you make it your own? It’s true that I’ve never felt like I’ve owned a city – I never conquered Berkeley nor San Francisco. And by conquered, I mean really know the feel of a city, know where to go when everything else is closed, see somebody pass the same point everyday, recognize people recognize me.

I think that’s a good thesis for this semester, then – to make London not just London, but a little niche that is completely unique to me. Having the first day of orientation, it can be assumed that I won’t have much coursework. My time will be absolutely free. I have four classes which meet 2 hours each a week on one day each and one essay for each class. So this is the goal; let’s see if I change it:

1. Find somewhere in London that feels like falling in love.
2. Go there a lot.
3. Write a series of short stories/novel.
4. If I run out of money, make like JK Rowling and write on coffee shop napkins with stolen pens from grocery stores in shoes that aren’t my own.

If I can do this, and I don’t even mean the stories part, I simply mean achieving goal 1. I honestly don’t know if I’m capable of it – of becoming an integral part of a landscape.

I’m jumping ahead of myself. I talked to people today – saw a lot of familiar faces. That was calming and lovely and made a big difference but obviously, I’m still looking for other people. Londoners. Who can help me get to know it. Who show me what they know. I’ve been working on lip curvature, trying to get them to turn a little up instead of a little down, to try to open up my body language, but even though I’ve gotten significantly better, I’m still not too good with it.

I have yet to buy food. I spent a significant amount of money today and two of my toenails have a bunch of caked-up blood from new shoes and miles of walking but it’s a start. Andrea and I met up and went into Central London and down Kings Road in Chelsea. Found a SIM card and visited the ‘World of Narnia’ in the basement of the Orange mobile phone store. It was half-assed and absurd, part-Narnia ad and part-Orange ad. We met up with Ben Garnett and had a curry dinner and a pint for 5.99 total at Shakespeare’s Head near Covent Garden. Needless to say, I had barely reached halfway and was red in the face, but a long walk to Marble Arch cleared that up. But, hey, this is a big deal! A pint at a pub! I’m in the club. We smoked loads at a hookah bar and walked back through Covent Garden, Piccadilly, Leicester, and Trafalgar Squares. A similar walk to last night, except this time we covered Shaftesbury Avenue when I wet my pants at seeing large facades for the Queen musical, Blood Brothers, and Les Miserables. Always Les Mis.

The details don’t matter any more. We stopped once more for dessert and went on home. And Mariah Carey neighbor is making other strange noises that I’m not going to question because they aren’t nearly as loud as Mariah.

I’m afraid this is long and dull. I’m afraid I’m going to become desperate and go to extreme measures to find internet access in the dorms, the first of which includes walking up and down the stairs to see if there is any wireless network anywhere in range, even if I have to sit on a landing. It may be pathetic – you say, BUT YOU’RE IN LONDON! – but listen, I’ve got nothing but time. I have 5months. I can’t be out all the time – nobody can. I want some comfort and contact at 12am after a long day. I need to look up things that I’ve seen during the day, that I’ve thought about, and I forget and nothing gets done.

The city is one thing, but the city is full of people. I need to be full of people. Then maybe, possibly, London and I might truly bond.

I have a pillow tonight. I plan on sleeping well and visiting the Tate Modern tomorrow.

“Lately I’m finding that I am the book and you are the binding.”

London Photos-
http://community.webshots.com/album/537781237VxyFQw